Hot, Messy, SH%$ Show

Every year, people who work at my company and for our partner companies, experience this magical week full of high-end parties and drunken debauchery.  We look forward to it all year. It keeps us motivated to power through our shitty weeks, poor quotas, or late nights at the office, all so we can attend this glorious event.  As the party invites have already started to flood in for this years momentous occasion, I am reminded of the wonderful time I had at this said event last year, as well as the dating mishap that followed.

A few days before, I was trolling through facebook updates on my news feed when I came across "Prince Albert" (See "Charlie Sheen has Nothing on him").  Someone had just updated facebook with a whole bunch of pictures of him.  Apparently he was now doing male modeling.  And from the looks of it, not any kind of male modeling, but underwear modeling.  After seeing his half naked pictures of him and other half naked men, including one with a midget, this seemed like a perfect career path for him.  As I scrolled through these drool worthy pics, my gay work hubby saw the pictures and sprinted over.  After seeing this pic in particular (the one on the right) he said I HAD to invite him to his annual LGBT event he was hosting.  When I reminded him of how awful my date had been with this shit show six months prior, he said all the gays at his event wouldnt care how crazy this guy is as long as he shows up wearing just this.  I had to admit, seeing a picture like this, did make me weigh in on the hot/crazy scale, and I started thinking that the hot end was about to win out.  I decided to message prince albert, made some small chat, and told him about the event and how he should come (it was open bar after all).  He agreed, and we set the time and location.

The following week was the party, and all my coworkers and I were at my work hubby's event in the mission enjoying our selves with the endless flow of free alcohol.   My work hubby kept asking when mr. hottie was going to show up, and telling all his other friends how they might have a chance at turning him since he was already slightly questionable, on basically everything he did in life.  As I was throwing down a few drinks, prince albert shows up.  I have to admit, he looked freaking hot, and I was definitely the envy of all the gay men there.  Prince albert and I had a few drinks and somehow got on the topic about how horrible my allergies were.  He said he had something that would help, and gave me a pill.  The pill was blue and kind of a weird shaped, definitely not your normal alegra.  Normally, I would have questioned it far more, but earlier that morning, my much older male coworker, was showing me his new claritin pills, and they were blue and odd shaped just like these, and he was remarking on how it looked exactly like viagra (can we talk about awkward work convos?)  I took prince alberts offering and continued socializing and drinking my cocktail.  About an hour later, my sinus's had not only cleared up, but my whole body felt incriedable.  I turned to prince albert with a huge grin I could not seem to shake, and was like, wow, this alergie medicine I think is kicking in strong with the alcohol.  He smiled and said, "oh, ya, about that, it was an E pill, I told you it would make you feel better".

Ok, first off, I had never done E in my life.  I should have been furious that he would give me an E pill let alone give me one at a WORK function while my boss was there. Yet all I could do was swear at him through a huge perma-smile. I was trying to muster a pissed off feeling, but none wanted to surface. I wish I could say that the memories that ensued were created in my drug induced haze, but sadly, these events really did end up happening:

•  prince albert decided to challenge my boss to a push up contest, at the bar none the less right in the middle of the dance floor calling him a "pussy" if he turned it down.  
• As I sat there in a daze, he non stop tried convincing one of my female and VERY married and housewife esq with three kids to go home with him.  Apparently his argument to her was that he had never "done a mom" and needed to check it off his bucket list and promised to "rock her world".  He also assured her that I wouldnt in the least mind.
• He asked my work hubby if he could have a "sword fight" with him in the bathroom...if you know what I mean....
• He and I got in a huge fight because he was SURE I was hiding his ID from him.

Yea...my only goal for this years event...bring someone LESS memorable.