Charlie Sheen has NOTHING on him

Never meet a man at a wine function.

While at "wine days" at fort mason with my girlfriends,  I find this very good looking guy staring at me.  I turn to smile, and the first words out of his mouth is how much he loves my curly hair.  I politely say thanks, and before I can further speak he says "I tried to perm my hair once, I wanted to look just like JT, but it didnt turn out half as good as yours!".  First thought that ran into my head was, of course, hes gay.  I continue to talk with him, joking around, while he shows me pics of his most recent trip to LA, and his wild night at the abby.  (gadar is DEFINITELY going off on this one as I remember my one time experience at the abby, watching hot gay men dance on each other).  He asked for my number, and I figured it was in terms of a new shopping partner.

An hour later he texts me, and asks to add me on facebook.  I figure whats the harm?  I accept the request and find to my surprise, hes straight.  He then continues to text me, and asks me out.  I'm not a fan of super metro men, but I figured he seemed fun and why not.

I meet him at his place, unbeknowst of me, on what happens to be april 20th.  As I get there, he tells me that he has been having ediables and smoking all day.  When I enquire about if he went to work, he said he is a venture capitalist (another word for unemployed).  We head to the first place, where he not only is high, but gets quite tanked.  He then starts telling me how he is someone who would do anything for a dare. To prove it, he starts off by showing me a rather large tattoo on his leg, with his full name, and the spring break location and the year he got it. (All of that was tattooed on his leg, can we say douche factor?) And tells me about the time he had sex with a black midget on a dare.  I looked at him half in disbelief and half in revolution, as he whips out a picture to show me just this.  A black midget, about the size of a two year old, making out with him wearing what I can only imagine to be midget hooker street clothes.  I tried as best as I could to dismiss that one, figuring boys will be boys perhaps?  Then shit just gets weird.

He starts saying how great he is, and how he took his family on a vacation the previous year, to a nudist colony.  He said that he always wanted to go and figured his parents would love it as well.  That visual right there almost made me spit up my drink. I'm pretty sure by this point he could tell I was not impressed, so in one last ditch effort as a "party trick" he whips out his penis, at the bar, to show me the prince albert piercing he has.  At that point, I excuse myself to the rest room and hustle the hell out of the place.